God. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? What's the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? While you can share some meaningful St. Patrick's Day quotes or St. Patrick's Day Instagram captions on social media, you can also add some of these jokes to make sure the day is one that's full of laughter. Look clover there. A man said that a leprechaun, a walking tree, and a dragon walked into a bar. A nun comes out and the Leprachuan asks in a thick Irish accent "sister you gotta help me. The Scottish man says,..yeah. Comedy Gold! Q: Why cant you borrow money from a leprechaun? An Irishman was in New York patiently waiting to cross a busy street. Paddy O'furniture! A: A Jolly Green Giant. Since he had nothing to wipe with, he comes back to the classroom with his hands cupped, hiding the shit. The man looked over to investigate and saw that it was a leprechaun that he had hit with his ball. Q: Why do leprechauns hate marathons? The bragpipes. Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? Easily offended? The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?". Potty who? A shamrock. Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Why make the Easter Bunny so lucky? Pressing, the man says, "How could I make mine that large?". Man: "Oh yes, I've always Yes, theyre green with envy! A sham rock A: Paddy OFurniture, Q: Why do leprechauns like to recycle? We also popped out a question to our 250,000 Instagram followers (@instaireland) asking them what they thought were the best Irish jokes, so weve popped in suggestions from there, too. He should quit drinking. BOOOOOOs., A Cork man went for a job at the local stables. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!" LePrechaun. ", An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk." A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Copyright 2019 - Meanwhile in Ireland | Trading under Emerald Green Media, Top 10 hilarious Irish dirty jokes (laughter guaranteed), Top 10 IRISH players who have played for MANCHESTER UNITED, Omniplex to screen most popular movies as voted by Irish cinemagoers, Derry Girls creator is working on new comedy thriller, The 10 most CHALLENGING Irish first names to get RIGHT, 10 reasons why SOUTH Dublin is better than NORTH Dublin, 10 GOOD things you might FIND by reading your partners texts and emails, Top 10 BEST Jameson COCKTAILS and mixers to try, Donald Trump to visit Ireland after criticising Joe Bidens visit, Tinder date pretends he hasnt spent 4 hours stalking date on Instagram, Adam King named most huggable person of 2022, The Waterford blaa: a fascinating history and recipe. said Mary. Happy St Patricks Day what I think is gas, you might think is crap. #1 for Parents and Teachers! ", The American goes, "Alright, for my final wish, I wanna big dick like yours.". "Well, lass, we're the only ones still standing. He got it stuck between the church doors! Q: Why do leprechauns make such good secretaries? Except me mammy, of course!, Well then, says Seamus. What do you call a leprechaun who scams you? Lets see how they like listening to the little b*stard! 'Cause they don't want to get a "sham rock". Well duh, why else would leprechauns hide their gold at the end of the rainbow. We exist to make planning your Irish Road Trip easy. She is a keen writer of satirical articles, as well as The best things to do and The best dishes to try around the globe. How did the leprechaun win the race? This classy looking rolled/player walked to my counter with a gorgeous lady on his right arm, a younger looking woman on his left arm and a leprechaun on his shoulder. I might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick's Day I will be 100% drunk. Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? Lucky charms. ", The leprechaun says, "Bejesus, I'm in the wrong joke! In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. Because hes always a little short. After all, its all about the humour at the end of the day. Cause the grass tickles their balls and the leprechaun says, "Done! Spam likes = blocked. He tees up and cranks one. Scientists have located the gene for alcoholism. Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a pool? Who's there? They play their brag-pipes. A: Irish you luck. "Tip o' the Trojan to ye!" What do leprechauns love to barbecue? The guy reaches out to grab the leprechaun, only to miss him as he jumps back to his seat. What's the difference between a leprechaun and a jogging woman? All bunged up A lad from Clare went to his Thats 150 miles from here., His wife asks who it was, and Paddy responds, It was some eejit asking if the coast was clear.. He's ordered food. The doctor told him to try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists. May your glass be ever full. How does the Easter Bunnys day always end? 19 Arthur St, Belfast, Northern Ireland, BT1 4GA. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. The other lad filling them in. 'e went from pale to stout!" A: Sham-rock and roll. If you have a tiny green ball in one hand, and a tiny green ball in the other, what do you have? Paddy Long Legs. Theres a joke thatll tickle every sense of humour (weve stuck the offensive Irish jokes in at the end for those that would rather dodge them!). Roll a 40 down the street! And of course, what kind of St. Patricks Day jokes would be complete without the best of the best knock-knock jokes and puns galore. Because they have cotton balls. He took a short cut. BOOs One turns to the other and says, It was a 2. The man replies, Im Paddy OToole of no fixed abode.. WebBrilliant!. They have an Irish whisk-key. An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying two sheep in his arms. Rick-O-Shea. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. I thought to myself as he approached the urinal that there was no way that he would be able piss in the "adult" urinal, but he s. Why are leprechauns always laughing when they're running? The man unzips and assumes the position when in walks a very short red-bearded man wearing a green suit and green bowler hat with a clover in it. WebI might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick's Day I will be 100% drunk. Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud! Q: Why are so many leprechauns florists? Continue with Recommended Cookies. ", The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! Are people jealous of the Irish? Erin Cavoto is the Editorial Assistant at ThePioneerWoman.com, covering food, holidays, home decor, and more. What do you call a fake Irish stone? What's small, lucky, and green all over? Where can you always find a shamrock? The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. The man replies "I am 29 years old." A saint pat-trick. The drunk scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. "Why not?" He goes up to the urinal to piss as well and is Do you know what they call leprechaun pee? Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. Whats the story? asks Sean when he sees the look on Paddys face. They make their money from a little bit of farming, but mostly from the milk that their cow produces. I stir it in with my left hand, replied the first lad. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again, SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! A: He already had pot of gold, Q: What do you call a leprechaun who goes to prison? Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? Cork is full of many things and can be one of Irelands premier spots for. Made in USA with Irish parts.Watch the latest video from Sturdy (@thedirtyleprechaun). Yank goes to Ireland on vacation. The leprechaun says, "Bejesus, I'm in the wrong joke! I dont have four leaves, but if you pluck me, Ill give you luck! What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player? on one such occasion, he happened upon a leprechaun. A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income. Why is cubic zirconia popular on St. Patrick's Day? ", The american goes, "Ok, for my second wish I wanna hot looking woman!" You can buy one drink and get a second one free. So what does she look like, Paddy? asks Seamus. The Three Paddies find a leprechaun, who brings them to the top of his rainbow. "Oh, really?" A Paddy long legs. Great for parties, events, cards and trick-or-treating. The taller gentleman catches himself sneaking a peek and notices the short man's penis is exceptionally large. What is a huge Irish spider called? 80.53 % / 306 votes. He uses a hare dryer. Q: What happened when the leprechaun fell into the river Shannon? May you be a half hour in heaven before the devil knows youre dead. One liner tags: animal, political, sarcastic, St. Patrick's Day. What do you call a bad Irish dance? Out of curiosity the guy ask the leprechaun man how can I get my cock to grow that big. A leprechaun who recycles. the BLARNEY stone! The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. If you live with younger siblings at home, wearing green on St. Patrick's Day is crucial for survival. A leprechaun doesnt get offended if you ask him if his whales blue. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. 'No,' said Mick. BOOs! He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." No one is saying anything smart. The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." I wonder if he could do that for Congress. Whether you plan on incorporating St. Patricks Day crafts or activities, or even reading a St. Patricks Day book, we also think your students will WebBelow, weve compiled a list of some of the most hilarious St. Pattys Day jokes, including leprechaun jokes, puns about Guinness, shamrocks, rainbows, Ireland, and all things Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? Every holiday needs some festive humor, and we think these St. Patrick's Day jokes are just what your Paddy's Day needs to put a little jig in your step! if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); You see, were normally a three-man team. He orders a huge tankard of beer and sits down right next to a leprechaun. Sean is really pissed off at first that Paddy spent their last money on a sausage, but Paddy lets him in on his plan. Well there is a river just down there. Well one of them is a cunning runt. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? We may earn commission from links on this page, but we only recommend products we back. A Jolly Green Giant Good Lord, hes done it again! What do you call a big Irish spider? Clover. He's standing at the urinal and notices a very short guy at the urinal next to him. Why are leprechauns hard to get along with? One day a man was playing golf in Ireland and he sliced his drive and the ball went over to the side of the course and he heard an "ouch". How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his willie right off, I will! he shouts. Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day! A: Because Irish stew. Two lepracauns walk up to the doors of a Catholic Church in Ireland. When short after a real short guy wearing a leprechauns costume walks in to use the urinal next to him. Surprised, he greets him. I havent been feeling myself lately, replied Paddy. Name the top three songs by leprechaun cover bands. In the dictionary. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" A quick death and an easy one. How do you blind an Irish woman? Patrick's Day one liners. Tony! he called. How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of gold? Here, you'll find everything from hike and drive guides to funky places to stay and more! Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that. For what seems like hours, he wanders through the forest with barely enough light to see. My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? A leprechaun who recycles. So theyre perfect both for kids and adults. Heres one for you Whats Irish and sits outside all day and night? So the american guy bends over and leprechaun starts fucking him in the ass. Well says Ben, If you had what I had youd drink them quickly, too. Paddy says: "see it works, we didn't pay did we?" I'm in a bit of a pickle and you're the only one who can help.". Q: What do leprechauns yell when they first see an Irish shoreline? The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! I met a leprechaun, and he gave me three wishes. I said, that. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? Theyre Knock, knock! The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow! "Tell that leprechaun that if he Low and behold, after a few seconds into relieving himself a very short man walks in and begins peeing in the urinal next to him. ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? A guy stands on the first tee on a beautiful Irish morning. He gets wet! They have just finished their pints He loves comedy, cybersecurity, and innovative technology. A shamrock! A: He took a shortcut. For some reason the guy happens to glans over and sees this little guy has a huge cock. (With Irish accent) If liquor were a pond and I were a duck Id swim to the bottom and never come up The urinal is one of those long trench types without walls to separate people. They like to go green! What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover? So this guy Jimmy is on a road trip home from college when he stops at a rest stop to relieve himself. I did my best to bring you only the best ones. The Irishman stood waiting, growing more and more frustrated. Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and an Irish wake? Pat who? A man walks into the bathroom and sees a leprechaun taking a piss. Potty. As well as having travelled to 91 countries thus far, she has written for several websites, including The World Bucket List, Meanwhile in Ireland and Ireland Before You Die. Northern Lights in Ireland 2023: Your Guide to Seeing the sky above Ireland Sing, 14 Of The Best Childrens St. Patricks Day Books. What did one Easter egg say to the other Easter egg? Q: Why do frogs like St. Patricks Day? All of them are clean and awesome. A: To get to the pot of gold. Q: Why did the leprechaun go out the door? The man agrees and states "for my first wish I'll have a pint of Guinness that never runs out". Q: What basketball team do leprechauns cheer for? Are you from Ireland? They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. The leprechaun laughs, "You can't do that." Irish! A: Because theyre always wearing green. A man got himself a wee bit too drunk on St Patrick's day and is stumbling towards home. The couple is in bed when the phone rings at two am. On the third hole (a long dogleg left par 4) he smashes his driver over the trap that guards the left corner of the dogleg. Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. "Shit! "Oh it is me lucky day! Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Q: What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? Well, its certainly clear from these ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes that you cant take things too seriously in Ireland, and you most definitely shouldnt take any offence. St. O'Claus! and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?". Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. A: Theyre great at shorthand. ", A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. F*ck this, shouted Anto as he ran out of the room. That was the only cow we had, how will I feed my family?" "Lads" says the Leprechaun, pointing to his right: "this is a wishing slide, when you slide down it, just make a wish, and whatever it is ya wish for, you'll land in it!". Patricks Day is almost here. What's the Name of the new irish NBA Rookie ? Someone bought shots. Q: What was the leprechauns favorite cereal? Knock, knock! A: Green Lantern. Because they're. Did you hear about the Irishman who took his car for its first service? They found it at a party, talking way too loudly. And might I ask how your money is holding out?" My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. Well, replied the doctor, You only have 3 days to live. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. If you like this leprechaun joke, youll also like these funny. If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! St. Patrick's Day is one of our most favorite days of the year. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes Name the top three songs by leprechaun cover bands. A: Green tea. Just water, replied the priest. What do you call a frog that jumped into a pot of gold? No posts match the widget criteria. As he starts drinking more and more, he has to release the valve and goes to the restroom. Leprechauns are a type of Irish fairy. Hello. Two Irishmen were walking out of a funeral. by signing up, you agree to the our terms and our Privacy Policy agreement. Raise your hand if you are 1% Irish today. ", What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun? a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. Disclaimer: I left themajorityof the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)! WebLeprechaun Jokes. Q: What did the Cheerio say to its sweetheart on St. Paddys Day? The American asks, "where'd ya get that big dick? Goes for a walk in the forest sees a little fella dressed in green with his head bobbing up and down between his legs, so the yank says to him are you Leprechaun? What is a leprechauns A sham rock document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. WebSt. In the dictionary. Because he couldnt afford a plane ticket. The bartender said, "What will you have Umbridge?". The urinals were occupied, so the man opens a stall. "You look magically delicious, and I just happen to be a cereal adulterer." The Leprechaun says, "I'm a Leprechaun, I can have whatever I want.". Please check if there are posts that match all the below criteria. A: They refuse to leave the green. Bob and Jim are chilling in the park when Bob has to take a shit. Laugh at these funny leprechaun jokes. Bobs starts his business when Jim yells "COP". Where can you always find a shamrock? Sure, youd be arrested for less!. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. What do the Irish dream about? You might end up pressing your luck. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Regular rocks are too heavy. and offers the man three wishes. Pat on your shoes and let's get to the St. Patrick's Day party! Hes Dublin over with laughter! A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto? One leprechaun was sullen and silent, while the other seemed quite friendly. Sean: "I can't do this anymore Paddy my bloody knees are hurting as fuck!" A: The Jolly Green Giant! but liquor is not a pond and Im not a duck so tip your cup and lets get fucked up. Did you ever hear about the Lucky Charms leprechaun's evil twin? Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Celebrating St. Patrick's Day with his gang of leprechauns. Did you know that leprechauns principal occupation is making and cobbling shoes? The guy can't help but notice this little guy is hung like a donkey. It wasnt. I met a Leprechaun once, in a pub in Ireland. ", until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office. Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! ", A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. 'He died in the best of health.' A Shamrock Shake 'Was he ill long?' WebOut of curiosity the guy ask the leprechaun man how can I get my cock to grow that big. ", Let me tell you about the day I grew up. What did the giant say to the leprechaun? A: Theyre really into green living. What's a leprechaun's favorite kind of music? Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" "Gurl, I will sham rock your world." With no bathroom close Jim tells Bob go ahead I will be lookout. What do you call a deceitful little criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow? A: Shortstop. To every monastery in every county. The guy stands there and thinks to himself he does have a point! This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have. The leprechaun turns and says in a Irish voice, not to worry laddy I'm a leprechaun, I Erin go bragh! He replies, Im Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'. And there's a little Irishman taking a piss in the urinal.
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